Shock horror, I'm feeling kinda depressed again. Everything that can be going wrong, is really going wrong in life atm. I have absolutely no confidence in poker, I'm getting behind at school, I have actually lost my job now, I'm feeling ill atm, and my grandma had a heart attack 2 days ago, and I can't go to see her in hospital as her immune system is low and I'm ill.
So 1st thing is first, poker. The weekend after my last update was OK, I made about $500 due to 180 man SNGs, but was still losing a lot in MTTs, as I wasn't making the final table due to run bad in the final 30 or so people. I really want the bigger scores so that I can have so money to put into Neteller enabling me to have a bankroll when I feel the need to go on my own again (probably $25k-ish). But at the moment this doesn't even look like happening because I am running so bad deep in the MTTs with more than $1000 for 1st. Meaning that overall I am breaking even/slowly bleeding away money. I haven't had a winning month since May now and feel like total shit when it comes to poker, so I'm thinking of taking a break.
School - I was struggling with a few concepts at the start of the year meaning that I got a little behind. Last year this wouldn't have been a problem and I'd have been caught up by now, but this year the workload is so much larger than what I've been used to, meaning I just get my head around one topic, and I have to be handing in work for the next one. It's so tilting, and with me being such a lazy, bone-idle person, I don't want to spend more of my free time than I am used to catching up, so I'm stuck in a vicious cycle where I am always one topic behind everyone else, which is very annoying and I can't keep going on like it.
Job - The boss wants me to invoice him for the work I have done, so that I can get paid, then we will obviously be discontinuing our working relationship. It is my fault for being so lazy and forgetful but it's kinda depressing as I needed the guaranteed income that comes with the job, so really should have tried my best to keep the job. I haven't gotten round to sending him the final work yet as I have been busy worrying about my Grandma, and haven't had a chance to sit down and sort it all out yet, which is kinda bad as it's for a lot of money, but it can't be helped atm. (I am typing this up without internet access atm, so I can't even be doing it in the time I am taking to write this blog).
I need to make plans for my life so that I can get everything back on track. Life is so much easier when you have a schedule to follow which can help you organize your daily routines, so I will probably sit down and write out a timetable for what I will do with my free time, and as this is a poker blog, I'll write out my poker plans/goals here.
- Get TourneyTrax to track my tournament play/results. It's an awesome program invented by ex 2+2 moderator Jurollo, that gives you pretty graphs and shit if you input your results into it. Kinda like an advanced for of HEM for tournament players, but without the HUD.
- Put more volume in when I can play sessions. Time is tight atm and my sessions are few and far between, so when I am playing ideally I want to be 12-16 tabling at all times, as if I am +EV in the games I am playing I should make more money the more volume I play.
- Concentrate more when I am playing! I need to stop reading the internet etc whilst I am playing, as often I am just playing on auto-pilot whilst I read 2+2 and play around with Facebook etc, which in the long term costs me money. I am no longer worried that my backer will drop me, but it still would be nice if I could make some well needed money, and the best way to do this is to fully concentrate whilst playing. If I want to get good at the game, and maximize my potential then this is a must.
That's about it really, I don't want to set monetary targets, as big scores/downswings can easily skewer results, so I just want to make achievable targets that can hopefully result in monetary benefits in the long run.
Not sure when my next session will be as I might be spending time visiting my grandma etc in the times when I would usually be playing, so if it's a while till my next post then I apologize.
Till then
DoubtImReal
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